June 20th, 2009
From this frenzy nothing is being kept; from these cascading thoughts nothing will be recorded, nothing archived, nothing photographed, nothing broadcast. It is not a question of choice but of forms of forgetting:
One might forget by permitting blankness to spread like a chemical through canvas, bleaching the fibers of their paint and leaving a vacant whiteness that is only a vacuum of what you experienced but is itself a sort of fullness, a density of nullity.
Or one might forget by detailing it all in small strokes, page after page, in tiny glyphs, margins overflowing with notes and annotations, diagrams and drawings: this forgetting will happen as a corrosion from within, the years eating away at the fat under the skin, as slowly what was stuffed becomes thin: a skeleton left where once one had flesh. Over time, what was left out subsumes what was put in.
Or one might forget with falsity: the memory shifting like a bored teen, long-limbed and contriving each posture, projecting from his spine affectations one knows well but from which one will never be free. Now you recall being in love; but now it seems you hated him from the start; or now you think, she was right for me; but now you think: no one was ever right for me. Your memory is your marketer: what lie must it use to sell you the newest products of the personality?
Or one might forget by turning again to the present, where all that one remembers continues to happen again and again, as though memory is like imagination: a modest metaphorical apparatus for variations on the themes we already know.
Whatever we do, we will not record these moments no matter how fiercely we seek to inscribe them, frantically etching them in our flesh like officer of Kafka’s penal colony, coordinating Designer and Harrow to cut deep into the body the judgments and lessons we yearn to experience serenely and purely before our bodies are cast off and present, past, and future cease utterly.

From this frenzy nothing is being kept; from these cascading thoughts nothing will be recorded, nothing archived, nothing photographed, nothing broadcast. It is not a question of choice but of forms of forgetting:

One might forget by permitting blankness to spread like a chemical through canvas, bleaching the fibers of their paint and leaving a vacant whiteness that is only a vacuum of what you experienced but is itself a sort of fullness, a density of nullity.

Or one might forget by detailing it all in small strokes, page after page, in tiny glyphs, margins overflowing with notes and annotations, diagrams and drawings: this forgetting will happen as a corrosion from within, the years eating away at the fat under the skin, as slowly what was stuffed becomes thin: a skeleton left where once one had flesh. Over time, what was left out subsumes what was put in.

Or one might forget with falsity: the memory shifting like a bored teen, long-limbed and contriving each posture, projecting from his spine affectations one knows well but from which one will never be free. Now you recall being in love; but now it seems you hated him from the start; or now you think, she was right for me; but now you think: no one was ever right for me. Your memory is your marketer: what lie must it use to sell you the newest products of the personality?

Or one might forget by turning again to the present, where all that one remembers continues to happen again and again, as though memory is like imagination: a modest metaphorical apparatus for variations on the themes we already know.

Whatever we do, we will not record these moments no matter how fiercely we seek to inscribe them, frantically etching them in our flesh like officer of Kafka’s penal colony, coordinating Designer and Harrow to cut deep into the body the judgments and lessons we yearn to experience serenely and purely before our bodies are cast off and present, past, and future cease utterly.

  1. rd67 reblogged this from mills
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  3. melanyouth reblogged this from mills and added:
    Simply: thank you for this. .
  4. mills posted this
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Hello! My name is Mills Baker. I write about art, culture, love, philosophy, memory, history, and more. Here are some relatively better posts. This site has been featured on Tumblr Tuesday and is listed in the Spotlight, but it pines for its youth as a coloring book. (Header lettering by the amazing Chirp).